Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize