So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
