its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize