Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize