this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize