Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize