The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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