Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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