Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
