well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
