Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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