what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
