So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
