Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize