it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
