yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
