so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think my moral compass just broke
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