1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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