He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
