Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
