just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
