i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize