found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
