im drinking this country out of the recession.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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