Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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