I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
