forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
