Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
