and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize