I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
