He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
