i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
