this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
