but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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