Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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