my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
