i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
This is the prime rib incident all over again
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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