I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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