Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
