I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
