everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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