My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Randomize
