A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
