I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
