Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
