so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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