Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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