why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
