"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
