Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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