Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
