Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
