I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
