Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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