Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
