another moral hangover. fuck.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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