I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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