You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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