I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
