If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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