he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
