shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
