I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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