so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
