Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pants are for mortals
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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