yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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