____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I will die if light touches me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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