oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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