I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize